Can’t Live With Them, Can’t Live Without Them

Even the best relationships have their ups and downs. When things are good, they are great. But, when they are bad, they can be the worst. Nobody wants to be miserable when it comes to love. Yet, dealing with misery, sadness, and disappointment that comes in relationships is necessary to have the happiness you truly want in your relationships. Last week’s Health Watch guest, Ted Cunningham, co-author of From Anger to Intimacy: How Forgiveness Can Transform Your Marriage definitely made that clear. You can not avoid the irritations, resentment and anger that come up in relationships and expect to have a healthy one. You have got to deal with the matter head-on.

One good way of doing this is by becoming a student of anger. Most of the battles in our relationships are really about deeper issues – not about whether or not you put the toilet seat down or whose turn it is to pick up the kids. When we are stressed, tired, frustrated or scarred it can manifest itself in a lot of different ways. Study the script of your fights. Is there a pattern? If so, what is that pattern telling you? That pattern can tell you some really important things. Things like what your anger triggers are; the real source of your anger; and even whether not forgiving someone is the tool you use against the person you love. Studying anger can not only lead to better communication with your partner, it can tell you a lot about yourself. Maybe it’s time you studied your anger.

Ted also shared some other really important tips to create better intimacy with your partner. Some of the big ones include:

Ø Realize you cannot change somebody else. So, get off of their case.
Ø Be a “safe” partner. Be somebody your partner can share their hopes and dreams with without fearing you will cut them down.
Ø Checking in. Create time where you and your partner can openly share with each other about what is really going on in your lives.

The bottom line is that when it comes to love and relationships, we sometimes can’t live with them. But, we certainly can’t live without them. Therefore, we need to use all the tips and tools we can to learn from them and make them better. Here’s to happy relationships!

That’s it for this Ask Health Watch blog entry. Remember, “When we know better, we should do better. So pass it on.”