Confidence -some people seem to have an over abundance of it, while others do not have enough. Being confident is something it seems like either you are either born with or struggle to develop. Unfortunately, too many find themselves in the latter category. Self-doubt can cause us to be anxious, stressed out and fearful. Yet, having the right amount of confidence can make the world seem like a place full of opportunities and possibilities, all with our names written on them. Confidence – how to achieve and maintain it – was the focus of last evening’s Health Watch.
Health Watch talked to two licensed psychologists, Dr. Leslie Sokol and Dr. Marci Fox, who work with clients in Philadelphia and Florida to boost their self-esteem and confidence. They had a lot to tell us about confidence and why too many of us are plagued by self-doubt. It was a Health Watch episode worth hearing.
For starters, they shared that there is a difference between self-doubt and realistic concern. Realistic concern is anxiety which manifests when you know you do not have the skills, training or experience to accomplish a particular goal. Realistic concern is reasonable because it alerts you to a need that you can work to address. However, self-doubt is different. Self-doubt says you cannot accomplish or achieve when all of your training, skills and experience say differently. Self-doubt is being concerned when there is really no need to be alarmed. Drs. Fox and Sokol shared a lot more about how doubt can wreak havoc on our confidence.
Doubts, whether they stem from our need to feel competent or to be accepted, can affect the way we see the world. When put in situations that cause us stress, one of those needs – either to be viewed as competent or be accepted – will fire up our doubts. As a result, we will “see” or “read into” situations things that are probably not true at all. Doubt can sabotage us before we even get started. Yet, thankfully Drs. Sokol and Fox shared there is a way to overcome doubt and regain the confidence that is rightfully ours. It begins first with acknowledgement.
Drs. Sokol and Fox advocate that we acknowledge each of us is a complete package and not a single item. What that means is that any one failure or set-back is not the sum total of who we are. Instead, it is one event. It does not define all of who we are. Therefore, we should not give it power over us. We define who we are, not a single event!
Another strategy they suggest is going on a fact finding mission to discover our assets- the unique and wonderful things that make us who we are. If we are not sure what those assets are, then ask people you know and trust to help identify them. Writing these assets down can help us see facts that support believing in and feeling good about ourselves. There were many more bits of wisdom our Health Watch guests had to share.
If you are in need of a confidence boost, then Drs. Sokol and Fox may have exactly the resource you are looking for. They have outlined their approach to confidence building in a book aptly titled, Think Confident, Be Confident: A Four-Step Program to Eliminate Doubt and Achieve Lifelong Self-Esteem. It is easy to read and provides quizzes and worksheets to help you with identifying your doubts and building your confidence.
To find out more about Drs. Sokol and Fox as well as the book, be sure to check out this link: http://www.thinkconfidentbeconfident.com/
We each have a right to feel good about who we are and our accomplishments. Both can be the fuel to propel us to higher and higher heights. As we grow in confidence, we can help others to do the same. Health Watch will keep doing its part to lead us on a path to confidence and health. Until next time remember, “When we know better, we should do better. Then pass it on!”
