“Keeping the Home Fires Burning”

For those that have been in long-term, monogamous relationships like marriage, keeping intimacy’s fire burning hot is not something that just happens. It takes work. When partners are committed to each other and the relationship, the effort can be well worth it. Most often the issue is not whether couples desire greater intimacy. Instead, it is about not knowing how to make it happen.

Some couples turn to medications, marital aids and other strategies with greater frequency to rekindle love’s flame. Others live with less fulfilling relationships, suffering in silence instead of having the passionate marriages they truly want. With the greater number of male enhancement, female arousal and other similar products on the market, it is obvious that even if couples are not having satisfying relationships, they definitely are trying. Yet, perhaps the answer is not a toy or a little blue pill. Instead it might be in the bond between you and your partner. That might be the where “the secret” to having a passionate relationship is.

Dr. David Schnarsh, a clinical psychologist, certified sex therapist and author of the re-released bestselling book, Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships, definitely gave our Health Watch listeners some food for thought about passion and relationships. And our listeners also had a lot to share, also.

One of the myths Dr. Schnarsh dispelled early is that committed relationships should always burn hot. Instead, Dr. Schnarsh explained that relationships, like all living things, have cycles. There are ebbs and flows in relationships. These are natural, necessary and normal. These “cooling off” periods allow us to (re)assess our relationships, better understand ourselves, and cultivate who we are so we bring our best to our partners. Being comfortable in our own skin and with our sexuality are the best aphrodisiacs any couple can use.

If you are looking for a resource on creating greater intimacy, then you and your partner (maybe while tucked in under the covers!) should perhaps check out Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships. Dr. Schnarsh also has a sex survey that can give even more insight on the state of your relationship. For more information, check out the website below:

http://passionatemarriage.com/

Whether you are in a committed relationship or still waiting for the love of your life, you need to bring your best self to any relationship. For when you love yourself it is impossible for others not to follow suit. Until next time, remember, “When we know better, we should do better. So pass it on!”

Can’t Live With Them, Can’t Live Without Them

Even the best relationships have their ups and downs. When things are good, they are great. But, when they are bad, they can be the worst. Nobody wants to be miserable when it comes to love. Yet, dealing with misery, sadness, and disappointment that comes in relationships is necessary to have the happiness you truly want in your relationships. Last week’s Health Watch guest, Ted Cunningham, co-author of From Anger to Intimacy: How Forgiveness Can Transform Your Marriage definitely made that clear. You can not avoid the irritations, resentment and anger that come up in relationships and expect to have a healthy one. You have got to deal with the matter head-on.

One good way of doing this is by becoming a student of anger. Most of the battles in our relationships are really about deeper issues – not about whether or not you put the toilet seat down or whose turn it is to pick up the kids. When we are stressed, tired, frustrated or scarred it can manifest itself in a lot of different ways. Study the script of your fights. Is there a pattern? If so, what is that pattern telling you? That pattern can tell you some really important things. Things like what your anger triggers are; the real source of your anger; and even whether not forgiving someone is the tool you use against the person you love. Studying anger can not only lead to better communication with your partner, it can tell you a lot about yourself. Maybe it’s time you studied your anger.

Ted also shared some other really important tips to create better intimacy with your partner. Some of the big ones include:

Ø Realize you cannot change somebody else. So, get off of their case.
Ø Be a “safe” partner. Be somebody your partner can share their hopes and dreams with without fearing you will cut them down.
Ø Checking in. Create time where you and your partner can openly share with each other about what is really going on in your lives.

The bottom line is that when it comes to love and relationships, we sometimes can’t live with them. But, we certainly can’t live without them. Therefore, we need to use all the tips and tools we can to learn from them and make them better. Here’s to happy relationships!

That’s it for this Ask Health Watch blog entry. Remember, “When we know better, we should do better. So pass it on.”